For our Left-Handers Day celebrations a few years ago, singer/songwriter and long standing Club member Ian Radburn offered to compose a light-hearted song, which he could perform at our live events. The result, in the style of a folk song, was absolutely brilliant and had us all singing along with the chorus. It has often been broadcast on TV and radio shows. We are delighted to bring his song to you, and also put the amusing and poignant lyrics down for posterity. Our sincere thanks to Ian, and we hope you enjoy it.
Left-Handers Lament by Ian Radburn
Full Lyrics (or watch the video!)
Here’s the story of my life,
I’ve had fun but there’s been strife,
For I was born left-handed, but I’m proud
To be one of the elite, right-handers we can beat
We’re the 10% that stand out in a crowd!
Ah but as a little lad, oh the problems that I had
Winding clockwork toys was just a mystery
Tying laces was a pain, couldn’t get it in my brain
Everything was back-to-front it seemed to me
Chorus
We’re the Cack-Handed Kings, we’re the LEFTIES
You right-handers just don’t have a clue
‘Cos if you’d been through what we’ve been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
At 5 I went to school and I was treated like a fool
Being left-handed I stood out from the pack
And trying to learn to write was not a struggle – more a fight
For I had my left hand tied behind my back
“You just get it in your head” the sympathetic teacher said
“You use the right and not the Devil’s side”
Those supposed men of vision caused me pain and such derision
Is it any wonder often times I cried?
Chorus
We’re the Southpawed Princes, we’re the LEFTIES
You right-handers just don’t have a clue
But if you’d been through what we’ve been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
Time then came when my voice dropped
And my face was one big spot
But I was glad when my teenage years arrive,
Because I use my left, I was different from the rest
And the girls saw me as something of a prize!
And I learned some handy tricks in the back row of the flicks
It used to drive my girlfriends all berserk
For their eyes would keep apace of my right hand – just in case
And they never saw my left one go to work!
Chorus
We’re the Scammy Handed Heroes, we’re the LEFTIES
You right-handers just don’t have a clue
But if you’d been through what we’ve been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
Well I’m married now, worst luck
But my wife she’s given up
Asking me to do the chores like peeling spuds,
Or trying to cut the bread, I’ll get a 4 by 2 inch wedge
Lose three fingertips and half a pint of blood
And I’d love to be a dad, but I’ve hit a kind of snag
If you can help please tell us what to do
The problem simply said, is that I’m a left-hand thread
But my wife you see, now she’s a right-hand …..OH, YES WE’RE THE
Chorus
We’re the Cuddy Wifter Winners, we’re the LEFTIES
You right-handers just don’t have a clue
But if you’d been through what we’ve been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
So now we reach today, where you sit and watch me play
And yes, I play right-handed it is true
For the very simple fact is that I’ve had to adapt
Something all us southpaws have to learn to do
We have trouble tying ties, writing cheques out, using knives
and scissors that were made for your right hand
And when it comes to sport once again we are left short
For in hockey and in polo we are banned
Chorus
We’re the Cack Handed Kings, we’re the LEFTIES
You right-handers just don’t have a clue
But if you’d been through what we’ve been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
Now I’ll finish off my song and as you move along
Please bear in mind the things I’ve had to say
And please show some respect for your friends who use the left
Thanks for listening to me this Left-Handers Day.
Copyright: Ian Radburn, 2004
If you have any thoughts on the song or know of any other songs with lyrics about being left-handed, please add details as comments below.
Hear Ian perform the song
If you would like to hear Ian singing the song himself, playing acoustic guitar accompaniment, you can use the links below to open the audio file:
MP3 version of the Lefty’s Lament song
Windows media format (283 Kb) 8kBit/s 11kHz mono
You can also open a file with the instrumental version only, so you can sing along!
MP3 INSTRUMENTAL version of the Lefty’s Lament song
Instrumental Windows media format (230 Kb) 8kBit/s 11kHz mono
GUYS!! Me and my army of left handers (I run a left hander club at my school, yes i get bullied) have come up with a plan. WE WILL MOVE TO RHODE ISLAND AND DRIVE OUT THE RIGHT HANDERS. YAAAAAAA. RHODE ISLAND WILL NO LONGER BE THE OCEAN STATE YAHHH IT WILL BE THE OFFICIAL SOUTHPAW STATE.
Writing left handed is the only way to go. In grade school that’s what I tried to do but teachers had other ideas. When I got into 5th grade I took it upon myself to start writing left handed. It took awhile to make my writing look decent but I was bound and determined to write the way I felt more comfortable with… writing with a “left-handed hook!”
My grandmother started school in 1906 and dropped out in third grade because she could not write with right hand and was not allowed to use her left. But she taught me to tie my shoes, sew on buttons and crochet when my right handed mother could not.